#THIS is why i don't fucking date. i hate this so much
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Meet Cute
This is part 3 of the Hey Angel stories.
Part 1
Part 2
Summary: The day you and Billie met and instantly fell into like.
Warning: no warning just fluff ♡♡♡
"Y/N why don't we go to that cute coffee shop on campus? Your usual spot is so out of your way," Maya said while you were picking up your car keys.
You internally rolled your eyes.
"Maya... I moved all this way because of you. Let me have this last piece of normalcy why do you want me to just change everything," you argued with your angel. You've spoken to your friends and none of their angels were this overbearing and annoying.
"Why are you so annoying?" you said walking out of your apartment door.
"You know I'm right," Maya said, " you are late to class every single day because of this little detour. You can go on the weekend rather."
You got into your car without saying a word and drove to campus. You hated when Maya was right.
The day was beautiful. Living on your owm gave you the opportunity to stop every once in a while and smell the roses. Yes, you call Maya annoying for pushing you to move out, but ever since the move you've been able to breathe. You never thought that living an hour away from you parents would bring you so much joy and freedom. You also never thought that living so far away from your boyfriend would bring you so much joy too.
You met Eric in your sophomore year of high school. His mother was best friends with your mother so they just set you guys up. You didn't like him at first, but he fell in love immediately. You constantly try to match his energy, but after a year of dating you grew tired and annoyed of him. So when Maya suggested to closest furthest option to go to you took it. He was bawling into your shoulder when you told him, it was gross.
You were so lost in thought that you were shocked when you were hit with the delicious smell of coffee.
You stepped into the cute little coffee shop, it was a little busy, but not crowded. Your classmates would rave about this place and how delicious the breakfast bagels are, so that was the first thing you wanted to try.
You patiently stood in line playing with your phone until you heard someone call for the next customer. You quickly moved to the front and ordered your coffee and bagel.
"Name?" the cashier asked and you told him your name. After you paid you moved to the side and sat at the table next to the big window.
The garden outside was beautiful, you took out your phone and took a picture.
"Y/N!" you heard your name and quickly moved to the retrieval area.
You froze in place. This was not the same person who took your order. You were immediately enamored with her piercing blue eyes. Her black hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. She was probably the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Billie her nametag read.
You reached out to grab your drink and noticed your bagel wasn't there.
"Uh... Billie," you started. You noticed her blink as if she was snapped out of a trance, weird, you wondered what had her so lost in thought.
"Yeah Y/N?" she said and you felt goosebumps appear on your arms, you don't recall your name ever sounding so good, weird.
"I ordered a bagel too..." you said.
"Oh yeah fuck sorry," she went to the back and came back with a box that read breakfast bagel for Y/N. You reached out to take it and your hands touched hers. Neither of you made an attempt to move.
"Billie! Come get the next order!" a voice broke up free from whatever took over us.
"Sorry," she said.
"It's fine... See you around?" you said taking your drink and bagel, bolting out of the shop.
Your took a deep breath when you got outside. You felt out of break and energetic at the same time.
"What was that?" you heard Maya's voice in your ear, but you brushed it off.
It was nothing. It was.
#Spotify#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish x y/n#billie eilish x you#wlw post#wlw fanfic#fanfiction
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lord give me strength i need to figure out how to break up with someone i'm not even dating
#THIS is why i don't fucking date. i hate this so much#i wish he would just ghost me i'm so serious. i'm not trying to be a dick but how the fuck am i supposed to tell someone#i don't really like them that much anymore when i've never even voiced the first part out loud.#i don't know if i'm aromantic or extremely avoidant or just maybe a straight up asshole but i am not made for dating or relationships#i am seriously so deeply afraid of the idea of people getting attached to me. what if i change my mind. i don't wanna be trapped here#the best part about this whole post btw is that i'm probably gonna change my mind in like 72 hours❤️#shut up hanna
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hey aros/aces of tumblr has anyone else figured out to express the sentiment "I hate it when people complain about being single to me" to allos without them launching into the perfectly valid ways in which they are unhappy with their singleness or conflating "complain about being single" with "talking about dating or being attracted to anyone."
#tempted to just make it i hate it when people complain about being single to me because if you're not happy single#you won't be happy in a relationship. bc that's more acceptable than being like. yah its bc im aromantic#like i get it i get it it's a big thing! its a valid complaint! making it to me is the equivalent of talking about how much you hate kids#to someone who has kids. im glad i tested expressing this opinion to my good friends first before letting it Breach Containment#maybe like i hate it when ppl try and commiserate with me about being single. although that does exclude just the person who complains abou#being single and then when you offer possible solutions they reject all of them and like. alright fuck me do you really want a partner or n#although i might be having an autism moment there and that one is also. commiserating. which explains why im ok w my more autistic friends#complaining bc they mean what they say. bc like if i can't relate to ur emotions. at least let me fix problem#aro#ace#aroace#idk like i'm fine with hearing about my friends dating lives crushes funny moments etc. love that! love that for them#want 2 be up to date on the lore. but when it starts being 'you know how being single is the worst thing in the world' like nope! not me!#please you are making me so uncomfortable do you know how long it took me to accept that i don't want what you want?#do you know how much it hurts that you think i want something that i would never be happy in?
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i've been going into the liam tag from time to time the last year where both his fans and people who hated him were Weird about him well before there were any allegations so i would get curious, i don't even remember what started it (maybe it was merely looking for photos that update accounts wouldn't post), but i normally try to avoid going into anything but edit tags for people i enjoy bc there are so many nonsense takes
and of course happening to go through today before the news broke bc i wanted to see what was being said about the abuse as i've only gotten bits on twitter and of course there were many posts rightfully calling it out and all but there's that weird mentality which i was getting a lot more of from twitter but some on here where they're like??? celebrating it and girlboss-ing and i'm just like. okay it's great that you're believing a victim but you're making light of it by talking about it like it's just another stan thing, i have seen that time and time again when this kind of stuff comes out and if people already thought that person was annoying or whatever they're just like "oh yes! i knew it! their career is ruined haha!" and it's like. you clearly don't actually care about the horrible things this person has done and just want to brag that you somehow ~knew~ a stranger's vibes were off and it's so beyond gross like you could use that energy to support a person's victims and instead you'll just try to prove you stan the right people and never the wrong ones or whatever
#and then there were. weird ones#some apparent larrie who didn't seem to like either louis or harry#literally the post that popped up was talking about louis knowing he can't stand on his own bc he can't sing like#has he not very much proven he can stand on his own#he's not as famous post 1d as say harry but i doubt he wants to be lol even harry doesn't want to be#he stays off social media and just gets papped sometimes like both clearly thrive on stage just in different ways ya know#so that was just unnecessary and a block#and then someone else not defending liam or anything but talking about how they're probably all horrible to women#and niall and harry apparently cheating on gfs (never heard anything about that not that i think harry's relationships have been real#and it took me a while to realize when talking about niall having songs written about him they probs meant hailee but#idec what those songs are and if they reference cheating so whatever i think i'm out of the loop on rumors and stuff#where i used to always know what was going on with 1d like i wouldn't have even known about liam if not for the fyp on twitter#bc truly i just don't follow people who post about their personal lives anymore not a choice or anything just that the og 1d blogs are gone#but i was like okay even if any of THAT is true why on earth would you put that on par with abuse. why.#cheating is sooooooooo fucking shitty and i truly hate it but like not the same???#oh and saying niall is a bad person for taking a selfie with him even though none of us know what he knew esp at that point like#most of this seemed to be coming out right after the concert like come on#there's just sooooooo much all around of people pretending they know these people personally#both to defend and criticize and it's just like please i love 1d so much i always will#but man like believe victims always but also don't blindly believe every other random rumor you hear#or that you know exactly what's going on behind the scenes bc you don't and you never will#oh and ofc someone wondering about his other exes like tbf we don't know how much addiction and whatnot came into play#so yeah it might not all be recent developments but are you really gonna ask about danielle who as an adult dated 17 year old liam
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been thinking about how danse is who nora is endgame with in death shroud. it compels me
#random thoughts#fallout#okay first of all. and this is largely unrelated but i'm watching a danse romance comp#and??? his authority over you and his desire for your obedience + him saying machines need to be controlled = need to see him on his kneess#i don't like him but i need someone to fuck this man#okay anyways. nora's husband who was in the military was killed. nora then shacks up with a member of an evolved version of the military#and the way danse is written. like he very much could dedicate himself to nora in the same way he dedicated himself to the brotherhood#dude is very vulnerable to cult tactics idk what to tell you#also the fact he's like 'physically im a synth but mentally and otherwise im a human being' and doesnt stop ans think#'oh hey maybe other synths are also human beings' like dude thinks he's the exception#also nora adopts synth shaun. danse is assumedly his adopted dad. ???#this man is so good at compartmentalization like jesus#even funnier if you consider the headcanon that nora is also a synth. they're both just like 'i hate synths but you and i. we're different'#how do nick and curie feel about nora marrying danse.#like wtf you're romantically involved with someone who actively views synths as lesser???#'he's working on it' WELL MAYBE DON'T FUCK HIM WHILE HE'S DOING THAT???#and hancock!!! HE LITERALLY. HE. HE HAS NO EXCUSE FOR HIS GHOUL BIGOTRY#'he was raised in a cult' yeah and he should work on that. maybe the person who's friends with several minorities shouldn't DATE HIMMMM#like yeah be friends with him sure that's fine people in cults need friends outside the cult when adapting to the outside world#but nora. girl. why are you doing this#all this could be cool if they meant to do it but i know they put zero thought behind it#also my headcanon for nate and nora is nate was an asshole who pressured nora into quitting her job as a lawyer to be a sahm#like in a 'it's just temporary honey! unless...' way#and nora absolutely did not bond with the baby and started hating her husband and her baby (very guiltily) and her life#and then she started getting really into cheesy noir dramas. to cope.#that was absolutely unrelated but i needed to get that out there
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Hanging out with the bestie is scream laughing about funny/cringy shit we did when we were in middle school, then immediately after talking about why we feel unlovable lmao
#not snz#the duality of man fr lmaooooo#my stomach literally hurts from laughing so much#and then we goddamn were like 'anyway there's something wrong with me on the romance department'#amazing ahdkakslal#no bc I'm fucking weird like#whenever i like someone it's just kinda for fun#like it's not serious and i don't want it to go anywhere i just like having a little crush i guess#idk how to explain it but it seems nice in my head i just don't wanna fr date them?? but it's nice to imagine???#but the second i find out they like me it's over and done and i don't like them anymore#like no absolutely not it can't be real#i literally have no idea why I'm like this#it's fr just a celebrity crush but with my friends#i don't get it#like yeah i absolutely should like them in theory and want to date them#like i know anyone else in my position would be so happy their crush liked them back#but for me i hate it like it ruins the whole thing bc i don't actuslly wanna date them?????#genuinely no clue what's wrong with me that makes me panic and frantically try to press the backspace button when my crush likes me back#but that's why i don't have a partner LMAO#idk maybe my person feels safe bc it's technically not a real relationship and therefore it's safe#whatever I'm too tired to deal with this but just know there's something so fucking wrong with me#also i know i was literally just talking about this like a day ago but I'm still think about it#like fr what is wrong with me someone tell me what flavor of fucked up i am that I'm like this lmao
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I can't decide if I should be funny and write Cap as a leering Perv possessive kind of guy or stick closer to his personality and have him be a gentleman/chivalrous kind of guy.
#Captain Pikachu#My heart says funny because honestly. Getting eyes from an electric rodent is SO funny to me#Cap who uses the fact that he's small and cute to just casually hang around private spaces#You step out of the shower and he's there with a smirk#dksfjdsjfksdk I dON'T KNOW DON'T ASK ME#But also Cap the kinda guy to use his lighting speed to put Friede's jacket on you after you ran out of your room in your PJs#Oblivious X Chivalrous is a VERY good trope to me I'm thinking like Dojo/Iku from Library Wars style you know??#No of course you don't I'm referencing a manga based on a light novel#Also why the hell is Friede's name spelled like that fuck you. It's Freed dammit.#sdjfhdsjf I've had to google it like seven times I hate it so much why'd they spell it like that#Anyway#I'm thinking of writing a Captain Pikachu X Reader#To sort my thoughts on him a bit better#And I'm trying to figure out what'd just be more fun to write#Reader is a Human btw Cap sees himself equal to the humans around him so I think he'd date a human#Probably another member of the crew#Aaaanyway I'll think on it#And who knooows what'll happen
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OH NO I THINK I MIGHT HATE THE PUPPET EPISODE ACTUALLY THIS SUCKS
#i hate wesley so much i hate his stupid little pining over fred so much i have such insane bitch eating crackers syndrome about him#words come out of his mouth and i want to start throwing rocks at him#also WHY DO THEY DO A SILLY JOKEY BIT OF ANGEL LISTING REASONS HE DOESN'T WANT TO DATE NINA#AND THEY DON'T MENTION THAT CORDY FUCKING DIED TWO EPISODES AGO#I FEEL INSANE. THIS IS MY JOKER ORIGIN STORY#ifer rambles#ifer's ats rewatch
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#i wish i could have the self confidence to like..... enjoy oc/ships and self insert and shit like that#even dating sims i have to imagine it's someone else entirely#it's not me being snide i just literally could not imagine anyone interesting enough to have a series made about them choosing me#like i just...... can't stand myself so much that having characters like that show interest in me completely shatters the illusion#and when people i know have read things i make and know intimately why i wrote it like that#i don't like it anymore because they can see me in it so I can't see anything else#i think relationships might even be really hard because i cannot explain the extent to which i fucking HATE#*****HATE*****#all past versions of myself#and the idea that other people have seen them and watched me grow......#just the idea of that of people watching me grow often physically hurts#I'm okay being undone in my own presence#but i think there's a huge part of me that would rather not exist at all if people have to see me half-finished#and you're never finished so like. I'm basically always just opening the door a crack and reaching out.#the idea of a single person knowing everything about me makes me want to#it's so awful i can't conceive it that's miserable that's worse than anything#that's worse than being alone i think#as bad as that hurts i think having one other person know me in and out would be like getting put in DIP from who framed Roger rabbit#if i can't hide i can never ever ever EVER feel safe#man i wish i had even a little bit of self confidence fuck#it's totally gone. there's so much i want to do and then i realize I'm the one who's doing it and i lose interest#i wish i could do anything that I'm fully she completely proud of and not have that be shattered the moment i try to share it#and not have to wait years sometimes to forget the shame and just appreciate the thing.....#i wish i could fully enjoy something without getting hung up on the fact that it was me who made it#and be mortified at the idea that i ever thought it was truly great#gosh this makes no sense I'm just. i haven't had any self esteem for years and it's just not coming back and it's getting to the point#where it's crippling me. like i don't want to go to sleep because i don't want to wake up to start the cycle of disappointing myself again#i try SO FUCKING HARD every single DAY and i always let myself down#and it's been this way for minimum six months but i think closer to a year#i just want to think i can achieve anything anymore
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Mom can you come pick me up. I just went in the tags and people are fetishising redheads again
#:/#like ik its not as bad as the fetishisation a lot of groups get#but where in the UK theres a whole history of oppression in ireland & scotland that makes it easy to identify bias#like people hating freckles etc#in the US theres this like. borderline white supremacist obsession with freckles and red hair#it's like having red hair makes you a rare collectors edition white person#everyone is obsessed with redheads. with having red hair. with having freckles.#with dating or not dating redheads#just bc those traits are rare. suddenly a person is considered exotic and unique in a way that is compatible with white supremacy#& a lot of white liberals are like “aha. a group i can fetishise without being called racist”#idk. there are too many redheads in media. too much flaming red hair and aesthetically attractive freckles and blue eyes#i want a guy with freckles that make his face look dirty like me.#its like the authors of a story want to add diversity but refuse to add POC so they're like I know. we'll add more redheads.#redheads are cool and special and unique and quirky and STFU I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT#if it was your childhood dream to have red hair. analyse fucking why.#it's not a unicorn trait it's just a fucking gene that makes your hair a funny colour#get over it and stop acting like being a redhead makes someone special#it's just rude
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thinking about god fucking dammit again
#like#what was their relationship like before the whole fucked up shit happened#were thay dating?#just friends?#or didn’t they even knew eachother?#i have scenarios for all of these in my head and i don't know if i hate or love it#first. let's assume they were dating#maybe dani has been speaking and/or hanging out with others too much for azrael's liking#and azrael decides to remind them who they belong to#SECOND. let's assume they were just friends#after hanging out with dani for a while azrael figures out that 'oh i like them'#but let’s say that dani doesn't feel the same and if they do; they never showed it#so azrael decides to show them why he's the best choice dani could ever make#i think i like this the most because i can't stop thinking of one specific scene#'i can't believe i loved you...' 'you love me?' 'i did/not anymore...'#like aaarghhhhhhububububu#THIRD. let's assume they didn't know eachother before#this one is quite interesting too because i like to imagine that they don't know eachother because azrael was never caught#and i actually have two ideas for this#ONE. azrael has been obsessively stalking dani for months maybe even years#why? maybe because he saw dani help a stray cat once or something like that#and so azrael gets obsessed with this wonderful kind and sweet person and he slowly starts to follow them around stalking them#and one day maybe when it's already late azrael takes his chance and kidnaps them#wrapping his six arms around them to prevent them from fighting back in any way#SECOND. azrael just picked a random person off the street to torture and got dani#and then he realises that 'oh. this one looks cute like that(bloody and beaten with tears rolling down their cheeks)'#so he decides to keep them#SO YEAH.#I AM NORMAL ABOUT THIS I PROMISE#JUST. AARGHHHAGDUFHOWJCPYDNHSUFBBDISBIDNJDKS
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I'm in the UK. To renew a blue badge (aka getting a new one, there's no easy renewal form/button) you need the past five years of medical history. It lasts three years.
You can't walk due to a permanent disability? Yeah we need evidence of the past 5yrs of medical history. Yes even though nothing's changed. Yes even though you gave us half of this last time.
It's the same with freedom passes. As if someone who's profoundly deaf is going to magically have gained their hearing back (the pass lasts 5yrs but they ask for evidence you still need it after 2-3yrs).
It's a pisstake, aimed to stop people claiming I'm sure.
the government "checking in" on disabled people to make sure were still disabled is one of the most demeaning and humiliating things out there, how is there no checkbox that says "this persons disability is lifelong and incurable" why do you think people's amputated limbs will grow back, are you on the hunt for the return of jesus christ and your way of catching him is hoping that the blind will see again????
#you may ask how I know this#given that I work in a library and don't know anyone in my social life who has a blue badge#about half our work is govt or council forms#or scanning evidence for such#council phone lines for blue badge help are open two days a week for two hours each day#we're a community library#we're not even run by the council#funding from them is extremely minimal#we SHOULDNT BE THE DEFAULT SOCIAL SERVICES FOR THESE DAMMIT#and yet#theres us and citizens advice#citizens advice send ppl to us bc theyre so full#our appts are booked up until early may#ppl come in for walk-ins but if they need help with the whole form then tough luck you gotta wait a month and i HATE it#If you're going to make disabled people go through this humiliating process then at least have somewhere available for help ffs#🔪🔪🔪#also we have ON THE REGULAR ppl who need help with pip forms bc FUCK are those complicated but you gotta fill those out within#a month of them being filled out#and with reference to the tags above#you can see why this is an issue#its not just our borough we have people from several boroughs away#ppl sent by their gp#pip forms take like 3hrs to fill out so they HAVE to have appts#its ridiculous#i HATE having to tell ppl who are almost in tears that we dont have an appt in time for the deadline#and that maybe if they call the dwp theyll extend the deadline#bc they have a date set for getting the form filled out so its not like nebulous and excuses#and i HATE that thats all we can do#anyway these tags arent so much related to the original point sorry but i had to get them out#bc the problems caused by that just makes the whole system more humiliating and WORSE
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"reblog for something lgbt to happen to you" at this point i'd be grateful if something straight happened to me
#bluebird.txt#i'd love to stop feeling like an unlikeable freak!!!#i get it i'm gay i look at least like a lesbian and at queerest as Some Thing I'm Not Sure How to Gender#but like. damn bro!#not even anyone? at all?#first of all i get no attention from girls and there's barely any thems (and im friends with most of the thems)#secondly not that i want the attention of cishet men but as i said before i'll take fucking anything to feel something#the most i get from cishet men has been laughing when i run because im late to class or a concert#like okay wow you find someone just running funny? i pity your entire brain#i think im just bored#its not like i understand romantic stuff any more really#i understand it on a logical level i think#but tell me why when i find a girl i have a huge crush on the SECOND i just need out platonically with someone else#the girl evaporates from my brain#and when i make the attempt to put myself out there and be like hey wanna go on a date?#all will to actually go on the date also evaporates?#she hasn't answered and that's an answer so im like alright even if you texted me late i actually do not care if i never see you again#not in a malicious way!!! just in a very bland you have not made a meaningful impact on my life way even though you seem cool!#which doesn't sound much better but trust me i mean these factually objectively not personally meanly#i have other friends mostly cis friends who have gotten guys after them and as much as like most of those guys are at best#a little annoying and at worst sort of creeps#like. THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME EITHER!!!#when i walk alone on campus esp when it's dark i do worry about assault and rape and stuff#but that's just the statistics and stuff#i know i'm not immune but in a weird way not being liked by anyone at all gives me reassurance that well#at least i'll probably never be assaulted at least not any time soon bc no one's ever looked at this (me) and had any kinds of#attracted thoughts#though that's definitely a false sense of security#after all someone could decide they hate transgenders and gender ambiguous people and assault me of course that could always happen!#i don't think it's likely to but. you never know!
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sometimes my boobs hurt so much i think they're gonna bleed surely this is normal right
#i think im pmsing.. but im not sure#like the dates aligned but also they've been super irregular hence the whole pcod etc#like im already wearing a size 38 bra because of all this fucking weight gain#and even that feels tight?? like the next size available was free size😭😭#but like it feels normal good even everyday just from the past two days it's been hurting like hell#and fucking worst festivsl of the year so i can't even stay in my room bra off all day#but oh god why do they pain so much it's never been like this before ive been having periods since i was 11 and im 21 now#maybe another pcod uhh idk side effect? symptom? whatever it's called#and i definitely have that pms wali feeling#i mean i haven't broken down yet but#you know that feeling when you WANT something but you don't know what and you try everything but nothing works#like i ate pasta i ate ice cream i studied and accomplished my targets i slept a lot i watched comfort show#i even washed my hair and danced to so many songs today morning while booping#but then it keeps crashing#and it's not enough#don't ask me what's it because even i do not know#i think i want. a hug. i guess#but from my bestfriend#because me and my sister keep fighting and i don't think she's really understanding me rn#but i think she's (bsf) avoiding talking to me because she's getting back together with her shitty boyfriend#i want to call and whine and say fuck that i don't care just talk to me but#i can't#the thought of asking for help needing people is. wow it's genuinely making me puke#i hate hate HATE being pathetic and needy#sometimes i wish#i mean obviously i would prefer it if i was perfectly healthy qnd normal and fine#but sometimes i wish someone just looked at me and said#oh honey how are you carrying so much sadness inside you and hiding it so well?? how are you even functioning???? how are you not#on the floor wailing and crying and unable to get up?#like you need [insert idk pills or whatever the cure is] BADLY
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love being nd and have the tism wolf Inside me be so drastically uncomfortable with uncertainty that i physically cannot think about school and having to deal w the unknown of that whole situation without losing 5lbs in 2 days
#the club ppl are meeting abt stuff for when school starts and just the reminder of school starting is enough to make me lose all appetite#i had to text a friend and ask him if he could help be there for me when i move in bc of how the situation stresses me out lmao#asked another friend if i can go to their place if i can't take it at the start of the semester#they are so sweet to me 😭😭😭 they haven't moved yet but they told me if they have an extra copy they'll give me their spare keys#but i genuinely go blank in the mind and go catatonic when i think abt. living situations next year bc i gen don't know what the vibe is#it's like probably not gonna be so bad and ik i have the capability to deal w all the scenarios but not knowing what to expect. kills me.#I'd genuinely be okay if i have to pretend i don't live there and i don't exist and get ignored!! i just need to know that now Thanks!!!#but tryin my best to not be reminded i have to deal w this in 2 months but my supervisor mentioned the campus today and now i can't eat lma#he was like u don't even need to go back to campus and im holding everything back to not be like. just take me as a full time worker.#i love school actually. i love learning. i just. thinking abt my living situation and not knowing what to expect when i have to inevitably#. face. my ex. makes me want to shrivel up and die. like icb i have to do this. like really my ex is the most harmless person ever but stil#how do you ever really. look your ex in the eyes ever again anyway. no matter the circumstances of it ending like it's gonna be so awkward?#and it's the avoidant in me and the avoidants I've dated but. I've never had a normal relationship w/ an ex afterwards lmao#but Each time I've ended things they ended at a spot where i didn't have to ever run into them ever again. so. i am not equipped for this.#And I Missed The Room Swap Date and The Regret is Eating me Up like i ugh i can't do this i don't i don't#It might be pessimistic of me but i don't think whatever will ever be resolved i don't think she'll ever want to talk abt it#and if Those are the starting conditions god forgive me if all i want is to get out of here like#if we're never gonna address or resolve anything then at least just let me have it out of sight out of mind#and I'll pretend it'llnevercome up ever again!! I'll rewrite my memories and just run the fuck away!!#my friend is going thru a more severe case of anger n self blame n how could i let them do this to me and im glad i don't feel it that bad#all i have is debilitating fear lmao so I'm just! trying not to think about anything!! i have so much fun and I'm so busy so why do i still#ugh anyway i hate nightmares and autism i really dgi i can deal with any situation so why do i still dread#delete later
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I'm half way watching Normal People and it's physically infuriating to watch (and NOT in a good way) so idk if I will finish it
#literally two people who have no valid reason to not be together#that make absolutely horrible decisions due to lack of thought or communication#a lot of people find this relatable but thank god I don't#their complete lack of clarity about what they are as a couple and what they feel give me lowkey anxiety#the randomic picking up side relationship while they have this soul crashing connectio to the other is ARRRGGGGH#like??? just be normal??? for two straight episodes???#just go on dates live laugh love idk actually invest and work on the relationship???#when connell said he was going back home for the summer and added ''i imagine you want to see other people'' and Marianne agreed what whyyy#then she cried for a whole episode and he went on to (almost) fuck his high school teacher. whyyyyy. just talk???#idk its a tv show with plenty of beautiful moments but too unnerving#why they don't try to be as per title *NORMAL PEOPLE*#idk they irritate me so much. Marianne didn't irritate me at the beginning but that was shot lived.#they both suck#they always choice the lamest parners after they broke up it's insulting to watch#my normal people live hate posting
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